Part 5: Drive back to Lomza/Breakfast and the house

Driving back to Lomza was an adventure in its own. It was extremely dark out and very foggy. We drove slowly and with care. Nika was a big trooper to have driven. I was a bit scared, I think she did also not know exactly where we were and the twists and turns in the road, as cars would come up quickly and pass up like in a ghost movie.

Finally we got back and crashed out pretty fast. I showered and was still surprised the whole thing happened today. Wow it was totally amazing. Now needing some sleep we slept, and really well we did.

We got up at about 9:15. Nika showed and I got ready as well. We had a nice breakfast at the hotel; just another guest was in the rest aunt. We listened to pop music and Nika sang along over drinking tea, eating eggs, bread and a few other yummy things. Now it’s about 10:15 and we need to get ready to drive to Korzeniste again. I’m nerves about going to Church and what I’m going to do as everyone takes communion. I’m stressed out this morning about what this whole life dream will be like in the daytime.
We drive.

We arrive at the house at 11am on the dot and I take some photos outside. The house is old and a bit run down. They share it with a bunch of other people. They live on the far right side on the top floor. A small flat with perhaps a living room/dinning room, kitchen, and a bedroom or 2. We only saw the living room/dinning room. The toilet was outside in the barn to the back of the house.

Where do they shower?
Is there a sink?
What must it be like in the middle of winter to have to use the bathroom at night?

What if you are ill like Teresa was saying Richard was sometimes. She says they are using their money for dr. bills and not a toilet inside. We go inside and to our surprise was most of the family again and 2 of the sisters and family. They said yesterday that they would not be here today so this was extra nice! We sit for a bit, were offered tea but don’t need any. We all get into our cars Babcia(grandma) Helena and Josef in our and drive to the cemetery first.

What does a family look like?
What is a home anyway?

Part 4: On the way to Richard’s eating and meeting

So at this point it’s totally cold and even more black and we tell Richard on the cell we are coming and for more driving directions.

We start to drive, Richard says he will be outside waiting; (Nika tells him to go inside it’s dark and cold outside) they say turn at the Mary, so I see one on the left, we turn around but it’s the wrong one. This brings back memories of travels around PL and how the marries are markers like street signs, go after, around part, look for the Mary…so we were.
We find the big cross, I guess not a Mary and left right we are driving slowly and 2 people are walking to the side. We roll down the window and in my strange Polish I ask where is the Brzozowski Dom (Home) and she says I’m Brzozowka!! I started to cry and we hugged each other from the car (this was Helena, Richard’s mom, and also Josef, one of Richards Brothers. Family!

We drive to the house and I get out of the car, I thanks and give Richard a big hug and kiss, - to people I don’t even know but are distant family.
We go inside, up the stairs into their sky bright blue living room. Teresa is there, Richards’s wife and she gives Nika and me a big hug. It’s like a dream.
I give them a box of chocolates, and a bag with note cards and a Christmas Ornament in it. They say thank you and put it a side.Sitting at the Table:

Sitting at the table and I don’t really know what to do so I pull out my file/folder with my family chart information and show them more how we are related.

Richards’s wife says later we can look at photos and stuff but now we must eat!!

So then the gomomki came out and of course I need to explain that I’m veggie and don’t eat meat. So I explain. And then Nika eats in inside - meat and I eat the outside - the cabbage. I normally would not do this but I felt I had to do it, so I did.

I’ve been veggie for about 20 years I explain and they are very surprised. Why, how,…

Eating went on for a long, long time, like hours, (the whole time we are there) I guess it’s a sort of way to break the silence and unfamiliar, the newness all around.
Teresa really wants to cook me something else I kept saying I’m o.k. But she really insisted on cooking me something else. So, noodles and milk it was. Something really basic that I’ve never had before. It’s pretty common the PL countryside. It was good. Really nice. I ate that and then she still wanted us to eat more cakes and cookies. She said this one was called “American” cake. Not sure how it was but it was good. As we ate and talked and asked each other our ages and showed off photos and laughed and smiled a bunch.

I ask where the bathroom is after drinking so much amazing Rose Herbata (tea) and Teresa says she is sorry but it is outside. No worries I said. She gets her flashlight; we walk down the stairs, outside and to the back, to a barn and in a couple doors until the toilet. I can’t see anything its dark as dark, I say that to Teresa and she shines the light on me. Talk about an intimate exchange. We just met a couple hrs before and how we are in the bathroom basically together just a little bit of the door the is between us.

Done.

We walk out and I ask in my Polish if they have any animals, chickens perhaps? She points to me a beautiful looking rabbit. I’m petting it and realize that this rabbit is not just a pet, its meat for probably the holidays. I breathe, and know this life is so different then mine.

We walk back in the dark arms interlocked, up the stairs and eat some more.

Daughters:

Richard went out and got 2 of his daughters. They are about 33 and 28 years old. They have kids about 2 each I think ranging from about 3-13 years old. We give each other hugs and kisses and talk a bit again with help from Nika with translation. They ask how old I am and are surprised that I’m 31. They say I look younger, I guess I do. I think it’s the way I dress and my life style. Its pretty amazing how our lives and in a way lined out for us, or the circumstances we are born into. Why is this? Also in the same family?

We all talk about how we are related again, so Richard is my 2nd cousin once removed.
My mom and Richards grandparents were siblings. Alexandra Brzozowski and Teofil Brzozowski.

We talk more and then another sister appears the youngest and she looks like my sister Leigh Alexandra – named after my great grandmother Alexandra.

We all have dark hair and dark eyes. I would always ask my mom how are we Polish, are we really Polish? Most Poles I’ve met have lighter hair. But, we have dark. They say we must be family!

Helena mentions she remembers getting packages from the states from family. This must have been a long while back. My mom remembers family sending packages, or at least remembers her mom saying they did.

I remember my great grandmother like a dream, sitting on her lap in Southgate Michigan as a small baby gal.

They asked me how I got interested in looking for family?
Are my parents still living?
Where do I live?

On the coach we sit and talk more and eat more. I share some note cards I made with children with cancer in Warsaw Hospitals. They are seasonal cards and we guess which season they are for!

We chat more and giggle and it’s getting late so Nika and I say we must go. They really want us to stay longer but we have a hotel and need to get back. Maybe in the Spring I say. We’ll see you tomorrow at 11am, meeting at the house, I would like to take a few photos in the daylight, then to the cemetery before church at 12noon. We explain we have to leave right after church for Warszawa. Teresa really want us to stay longer but we can’t. Tonight or tomorrow.

What a day in a different reality. What is reality anyway?

Part 3: The Priest’s visit and the church at night

We passed the church and went to the priest’s house, it smells like animals and the dogs are barking. We ring the bell and he answers the door and invites us into his office.

The Priests office: The office was small with a computer with changing flowers and nature’s scenes on it as a screen saver. We sat down and I didn’t really know what to say first.. I can’t really remember where it started. Maybe with a thank you for all your help? And do you have the documents? He did! He had them for 3 of the siblings. Teofil, Antoni, and Alexandra. All christened in this village more then 100 years before.

They would cost 30zl each about 15 dollars. I asked the priest if he had more information about my great great grandfather/mother, Kazimierz and Elzbieta but he said the books don’t go back that far. I would have to look in another office in Lomza for that information. (my mom wanted to know their maiden names to get more ancestry details.). He looked search more for the Greloch's and found some more information but nothing that lined up with our family. I asked to take photos of “the books” but he said it was private property and I could only take a photo of the outside of these old books so I did. I also asked how the books survived the Wars? He said they were protected. It’s amazing to me how a little book like this has the information about my family and it survived war. It’s just hard to believe, that this book was somewhat the key to our knowing where my family was from. A book.






The Church: I asked if we could see the church not knowing what the priest would say that his point because it was very dark by this time but he said sure. So, we walked over to the dark church at night. Snow on the ground and I’m thinking where am I? who am I with? where am I going? In the middle of the deep dark country side with a friend and a priest. It feels like its after midnight and its only really about 4pm. I learned that this church was built with a particular stone method not usually used and that the church cemetery was behind the church and I would go tomorrow on Sunday to see it. The priest says wait a moment and he goes in and starts to put on the lights in this magical place. It’s hard to explain that we are in complete darkness, the sky is cloudy and its cold outside and we just trusting him in this place this place my great grandmother and great grandmother once stood and prayed. The lights went on and it was sort of out of a movie. Everything so clean, shinned up and I could even hear the music already. The church felt unfamiliar to me but also I felt at home in this cold dark place. No heat, its to expensive. We can see out breath. The priest invites us back tomorrow for Mass he says its in memory of the family Brzozowski so I guess I must go. I’m worried about how the communion situation will go but its fine. No worries.

It’s like I stepped foot through the darkness into a time warp. What would a time warp look like to you?

Part 2:The Polish Distance Family adventure in the mist - Saturday morning- Finding the church and the Priest.

The physical journey started on Saturday morning November 17th, 2007 in Warszawa, Polska.

I got up and was ready for Nika to pick me up. Olga didn’t go because she was sick and getting better. Nika is Olga’s friend. So we started off. Nika said the hardest thing is getting out of Warsaw, I guess that was mostly true.

The drive took about 2.5hrs and we were in Lomza. On the way from Warsaw – Lomza cars and trucks passed us. We passed bikes and pedestrians. We drove about 70klm an hr., which was just right on a mostly 2 lane road. Not sure what you would call them in the states. Like a country road. But newly paved.

We got to Lomza and checked in the hotel. It was the Gromada in Lomza and they had a car park so we didn’t need to worry about the car. We asked at the reception where the church was I was looking for and they didn’t know. She was really confused and I was also. The Priest will know and that was true he did. All was well we went up to the room and Nika called the Priest to say we were now in Lomza and where was the church to meet him at. I had no idea but the priest was at his home next to the church in a small village 6klm past korzeniste.

So, my mom found this church on the Internet. It’s still so amazing to me that she found it and it had a cell phone listed and an e-mail address. So the priest said he had a training but to come over after 3:30. It’s good we reached him because he was just about to switch off this phone for a few hrs. So it was still a little light out we took a 20min nap and then work up and get something to eat at a little restaurant besides the hotel.

Then off to the home of the priest and the church. We did call Richard and let him know we were seeing the priest and then we would call him when we were finished. Nika said its up to me which way to drive, we can go past kozeniste now or on the way back from the priest. I wanted to see Korzeniste the daytime (ish) of what was left of it so we passed it on the drive.

We passed Maly Plock on the way, the little village where my letter was delivered to.
Then we drove on…. I got out of the car and took a picture of myself by the sign of Korzeniste.

It’s still totally unreal to me. The light was getting darker and we drove through the mist, the fog until the church. It’s the same as in the picture on the website, we must be in the correct place!




What does a dream reality look like to you?

Part 1: Night before the Polish Distant Family Adventure

The night before my Polish distant family adventure, I'll share a few thoughts.

It began over 100 years ago in Poland when Alexandra Brozozwska Greloch was christened at a church in Lomza or Kozeniste, Polska. This is a picture of her, she is my great grandmother, then my grandmother (nana) Bernice (Greloch) Krogol, and my mom about 6 years before I was even around Juanita (Krogol) Steinman.

I was living in Poland for about 5 years. Around 2002-2007.
At that time doing some family looking but this summer/fall it got more intense. Well,I moved back to the states, the Boston area so not in PL anymore and my mom (Juanita) was doing more family looking with some help from some church folks I think in Rochester, NY. I told her she needed to get on it because I was heading back to PL (Warsaw) for a month and I wanted to figure stuff out.

I made a big family tree on 2 or 3 pieces of paper and gave them to her to draw out in detail and make sense of the names and all.
But she did even better, she found dates and photos and the ships ( with help from the folks in Rochester) where my great grandfather and great grandmother were on!

So, we had more details from that about where they came from.
Mom found out what Parish covered the area and they had an e-mail, cell # and website! wow.

So, now I'm back in Waw and I ask my friend Greg to call he priest and say I would like to visit and look for records. He says write an e-mail, so I do, Olga translates it, Greg and Kasia look it over and we send it along.
At about 1am I get a message back saying he found a match for my great grandmother! Still looking for Greloch but found Brozozwska!
oh my goodness this is amazing, so I write back I want to visit.he says sure and I can have copies of the records.
So I thought I would visit with Greg but then Valerie is up north working/living now and she can only visit (last weekend) so I decide to wait on Lomza (because I don't have so many details yet) and go to Torun with Valerie. So we did and it was a great trip.
But that same day I was about to leave I get another e-mail from the Priest because I wanted to know if anyone was alive in the area, and guess what there is!!!! Richard Brozozowski! And I get to meet him tomorrow!

The Priest give me his address, so I write to him with Agnieskza and my mom's help on what to say. I try to send it 2x from different post office but no help, I need a postal code, I don't have one and time is running out because I'm going back to the states on Monday and its Friday the week before now.
Now its Saturday and then Sunday, I'm back in Warsaw from Torun and Olga's aunt and Uncle are over for dinner, Olga is sick and can't go with me to Lomza and the little village where Richard lives but we are working on that as well. I'll ask Katazyna. That does not work. I ask a bunch of folks.

So, it comes to me asking more and more folks and while Wojtek is look for the code and Olga on-line, Danusia called the Parish in Lomza, tells the story a bit and then gets a name of a village that you need to send the letter to.
So, we have the village name and Olga checks the code now on-line and I put the letter in a fresh envelope.
Now sleep.zzzzzz

Monday comes around, I send the letter in the morning. Priority mail.
and wait
and wait and
wait.. Everyone asking if I had heard anything yet.
Then on Wed evening I get a Phone call while I just left Iwona's and I'm about to get into the metro.
It's Richard!!! he got the letter in a few days and called me. In my funny Polish I told him my polish is jako tako and in 1/2 hr I would be home with someone who can speak English and we would call back.
Also while all this is going on, I'm still looking for someone to go with to Lomza, Olga is sick, folks are busy with other things, and Olga thinks of calling her friend Nika! and that works out, oh that was on Wed afternoon so I had a friend who was even going to drive! before I new the Richard had called.
So we called him back and Olga said he sounds older and nice on the phone and to call tomorrow and I can stop by, so tomorrow is around the corner and I'm excited to go, nervous and excited and just wondering,
where do he live?
what does he do?
Can I see my great great grandmothers grave?

I'm bringing soil from the memorial garden at church in Rochester from where my nana is now. Soil full circle and back again from the place her mother came from.

All of this is totally amazing, I need to get some sleep.
What does looking for family look like? It looks like this.

late at night, early morning ripples

As the Sky is dark and rainy, I think about the ripples of our connections.
I think about how everything means something and everything effects what we do and what we have done.This Human Rights mandala was created by an inter generational group of EUU folks during the fall retreat in Munster, Germany. These folks are a family to me.
The energy of creating a mandala ripples with me so much. It fills my soul, my insides.

I just have to know that this energy will fill me even when its raining outside and inside my soul.

Life is so challenging and the little pieces are so heavy. The little pieces are so heavy. I hope it will become clearer to me as the days get brighter, as the time moves on, as the ripples go out into the world and surround us all.

blessings big wide small world. May we be ever creating ripples of peace and justice for all of humanity.

What do your ripples look like?

as the sky darkens at night

I’m freaked out Freaked out about jumping in and having to run away wet. I’m scared but not wanting to show it. I’m wondering which way to go and who will be there to point me in the direction that I will probably pick the other to go in. I’m going to miss my cat and the veggies my small group of friends, flower outside my window, my bike. I’m going to miss this home, this space. I know I’ll miss her also the used to be lover now friend. I’m freaked out with the what if’s I’m scared about the big shops and not having my aunt the way I remember. I’m scared about the government and cry for peace. But, I must move on, I must cross the ocean and fill my soul with songs and love. I must believe that love will find a way into my heart to stay. I have hope it just sometimes get filled with scared bubbles that fill my inside as tears come down my face. I’m ready to have some stability in my life. Something to hold onto, someone to hold onto as the stars appear as the sky darkens at night and someone who will still be there as the bright new day begins. I’m scared, I’m freaked out and I have hope. I have soul filled love for this one.

train travels

In about a month of train travels I've been moving
= Warsaw, - Berlin, - Krakow, - Poznan, - Wroclaw, - Leszno , =
and all the little villages, towns, cities- along the way.

Poland's PKP train company has made this all possible.

Travels in the early morning, midday, and as the sun sets.
the Train moves and I move forward and backwards as we travel.

Watching, talking, sleeping ,eating, using the bathroom as we all move together traveling in time. In these fast and slow moments, pulses. We are all moving forward but some are sitting backwards.
I can handle both now, after all the train travel.

Sometimes the view is vast ~ sometimes you see the paint falling off the train station stop and the beggar and drunks around the corner.
Sometimes I see picnics on little bridges, sometimes markets, sometimes cows and sheep and sometimes cars and other trains with travelers.

Sometimes we move as slow as a bike but we are a train.
and sometimes the time goes so quickly it feels like a plane.

On a train you can sit back and watch the non-stop movie that goes by. The movie of reality that we are all apart of, go on and on and on.

My train travels has brought me to friends I don't see so often, has brought me to song, and songs along the way, the train has fed me along with the milkshake in Leszno on the street. The beers on the boat in Wroclaw and the train that brought me to the taxi that brought me to the what we think was the village of 4 houses that my great grand mother was from some 100 years back. She probally also took trains travels. Train travels to far away lands.

Trains have a peace to them, the movment like a rocking chair, the sounds so familiar, the people always different.

The need to take trains is in my body and heart. The need to travel, to train travel to learn more and watch and stop and listen and wander as time moves on. I move with it.

next stop....
who knows?

10,000miles it feels that way

Did I miss the train I'm on?.....
This weekend:
Cleaning out my photos, looking at I thought was about 7,000 and now I think about 10,000 of them. Crazy right. from 2004-March 2007. Not even 3 years put so many images stories, songs, adventures. I feel like that is why I am so tired. I just traveled back 3 years to all thoses places and now I must move forward.
But I also must clean up the past for the future. This is really hard stuff to do. Really hard. But it must be done. for my computer for the first place and for some order and then some more sharing of these stories, these adventures. where have you been, what pictures to you have to share in the last 3 years? What does it say?

life is in a village, across an ocean and right here

reflections of a week from here to there -across the ocean, to a little village, and back

life makes you laugh
giggling hurts
stories fill your mind with pictures, sounds and feelings
animals suffer in the cold
watching a fire burn is a mediation
listen to voices from far a way bring you near
the sunshine can fill your whole day, your whole self with joy
hard work come from the soul
work from your soul
good food keeps you warm
good food comes with love attached
when it is cold, sit by a fire with a friend
when there is snow go for a walk
say hello to strangers in little towns
pet the dogs
take photos to remember you were there
don't let other peoples issues overcome you
look from a distance
remember what the point was in the beginning
sometimes it snows inside the train
sometimes it can be a packed bus
watch for the little moment that make a big difference
remember that everyone is trying to be helpful in there own way
live this moment
congratulate
do things that make you a little scared
love
give
share
go to an orphanage even to be with one child
cook good food
stay warm
talk to family
sleep well
have peaceful dreams
remember, everyone has a suitcase and you never know what is inside
remember, everyone has a suitcase.
remember we all do
listen
love
and try not to understand it all
we never will

the beginning of the week almost

...it's almost the beginning of the week.

Over about 2 months have passed since I last blogged, I have been on over something like 16 airplanes, to the states, israel, france, the states again and Poland. My home base at the time being.

There have been new moons,
starry nights,
amazing food,
goats eating my clothes,
long warm walks in the desert,
cold nights listening to bombs,
candle lighting with friends near and far,
I am thankful for...words and songs, and prayers,
sharing tears,
laughing until you pee,
hearts beating so fast long plane rides cuddling with my cat making art with little ones,
and big ones and all in between resting floating in the dead sea,
questioning this life living in the moment wanting to live in the past trying to understand the future and what it brings waiting for this new week to bring more hope, peace, and health to everyone and most importantly my Aunt Brenda Seligman, my life inspiration.

When your life gets flipped upside down what do you do?

I suppose the best thing to do is to look both ways before you cross the street and make sure you hold each others hands and say hello and smile as you go on our way. shalom and shavua tov laura